Joey's Heart tries to get Joey to follow his advice rather then Dick's. He is a hopeless romantic, over the top and emotional.
- "Can't is a word for a man who's been beaten and broken, and that is not the man I see lying in a heap in front of me!"
- "Joseph Michael Richter... Y— you are a real piece of work. Let me tell you something: I've seen a lot of proposals in my day, Joey, but never have I seen such a... a pathetic... bumblefuck as what occurred out there in the hallway."
- "Fabulous! Looks like the boys are back!"
- "I'm going to squeeze my left carotid artery, Joey"
- "I'm — I'm broken!"
- "Joey: 'Wow, the Nine of Hearts!'
Joey's Heart: 'That's right, the King of Hearts!"
- "Joey's Heart: 'What do all of history's greatest lovers have in common? Romeo and Juliet! Antony and Cleopatra! Jack Dawson and... Kate Winslet's character!'
Joey: 'All the guys die horribly first.' Joey's Heart: 'Uh eh— BAD EXAMPLE. How about Spiderman and Mary Jane?' Joey: 'Oh yeah they worked out PERFECTLY."